The Swiss have either flipped their lids completely or set a new bar for enlightened animal welfare legislation, depending on your perspective.

The Swiss government has announced new laws which will make the process of becoming a pet owner vastly more complicated than it ever was before. No longer will you be able to get a new pet just by walking into a shop and buying one. No. From now on, depending on the kind of pet you want, there are many more factors to be taken into account.

If you want a dog, for example, you may have to undergo a battery of tests, both theoretical and practical, on proper dog care, much as you would if you were learning to drive.

Special care will have to be taken when acquiring “social animals”, such as budgies, which can apparently get lonely if they are kept on their own. As a result, they will have to be kept with others of their own kind.

Aquarium tanks can no longer be transparent on all sides and the use of lights in the animals’ environment must mimic that of the natural day and night cycle to avoid disrupting their bio-rhythms. If you want to get rid of your pet fish, you will now have to do it with specially-designated chemicals which can end their lives with a minimum of suffering. So don’t even think about just starving them to death or emptying the tank down the sink.

Fishermen will also have to undergo special tuition so that they can learn how to catch fish in compassionate ways.

Farmers will also have to change their ways. From now on hoofed animals can no longer be kept in areas with hard floors because it hurts their feet.

This being April, you might think this is some kind of belated April fool, but I assure you it is not.